Jul 3, 2014

I Love Peanut Butter and YOU - LOL

The differences identified in the previous post that shows various studies and research performed yielding disparate results is no surprise to me. Our communication about love is very poor and these differences we will see are as a result of our understanding and communication about love.

We say that we love peanut butter while saying that we love baseball, our kids, our partners, our shoes, our friends and everything under the sun. Because we communicate poorly about love, it has come to mean everything and nothing. When we popularize a word or a phrase and don’t give it specific meaning, it no longer has meaning.

When we really understand what love is and what love is not; we will be equipped and able to be more loving, openly receive more love and have better relationships. To understand what love is, let’s start by calling it a fallacy. By calling it a fallacy, and starting with a blank slate we can begin to learn, understand and eventually know love.

I lived in Arkansas for about 6 years. In that part of the South, when someone wants a carbonated beverage they say, “Give me a Coke please.” I recall while at work one day heading for the break room, asking a co-worker if they wanted something to drink. “Sure.” He replied, “I’ll have a Coke.” When I brought him the red canned beverage, he looked at me like I had three heads and said, “What is that?” “It’s your Coke.” I replied. Then he said one of the oddest things imaginable; you guessed it. “No, I wanted a Sprite.” I laughed!

After that experience, I learned to ask my co-workers in Arkansas if they want a ‘red’ Coke or a ‘green’ Coke. LOL Or I would ask them if they wanted a Coke or a Sprite. If you’ve been to the Southern states, you know exactly what I’m referring to.

The use of the word love is no different. We use the word love to mean so many different things. But yet it is even more important in our lives than a carbonated beverage to a thirsty co-worker.

Leave a comment and tell me your funny stories about"
  • "Things" people say they love
  • Mixed up communications

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Jul 1, 2014

Studies and Research on Love

The following are just a couple of the studies performed:

Ø  Triangular Theory of Love by psychologist Robert Sternberg states there are three components of love; Intimacy, Commitment  a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment is the expectation that the relationship is permanent. Passion is sexual attraction.

In the triangular theory of love, all forms are viewed as varying combinations of these three components:

Liking                                = Intimacy only (shared confidences and lives)
Infatuation                         = Passion only (longing accompanied by arousal)
Empty love                        = Commitment only (expectation of permanency)

Romantic love                   = Intimacy and Passion
Companionate love           = Intimacy and Commitment
Fatuous love                      = Passion and Commitment

Consummate love             = Intimacy, Passion and Commitment

Ø  American psychologist Zick Rubin sought to define love by psychometrics (empirical measurement). His work through the use of 26 questions comprised of 13 for love and 13 for liking; measures the degree of love that exists by an individual for another.

Ø  Psychologist Erich Fromm maintained in his book The Art of Loving that love is not merely a feeling but is also actions, and that in fact, the "feeling" of love is superficial.

Love is a series of loving actions over time. It is according to Fromm a conscious choice that in its early stages originates from an involuntary feeling, but later depends only on conscious commitment.

Ø  Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian drive, similar to hunger or thirst. There are two major drives in love: sexual attraction and attachment.

Confused? Me too! There are so many different opinions and researched conclusions on what love is, what causes it, why we need it, how we find it, how we receive it and how we exhibit it.

I believe that Confusion is the process of moving from learning to understanding and knowing. Since I'm feeling confused right now, I must be learning and moving in the right direction.

Leave me a comment and tell me of other Studies and Research that should be investigated.

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